baby's first substack
Well, four of you have spoken, and here we are.
So, I have made this thing. Mostly because I’m starting to meet a lot of wonderful readers who—terrifyingly—seem a little interested in the weird things I have to say. Full disclosure: I have no clue what I'm doing. But I did have many LiveJournals back in the day, so I suppose I'll draw on that experience here.
I don’t really know what this space will do or become, but for now, I’m thinking I’ll keep it to five consistent sections:
What I’m working on creatively this month.
What I’m obsessed with this month. (Think: passionfruit sorbet, carpal tunnel braces, the way Los Angeles looks after a long and wild rain.)
The song my ADHD brain has replayed 100 times in the past two days.
What books are on my nightstand right now.
And, lastly, what I’m working on with my therapist. (Or, more broadly, what I’m trying to do for my mental health, but make it funny.)
So, without further ado, let’s . . . do?
What I’m working on creatively
This month, I’m actively revising Book Two and, whenever I have a minute, trying to map out the vibes of Book Three.
What’s Book Two about, you ask? It’s a secret! But I’ll give you this hint:
And re: Book Three . . . I’ve just experienced my first true bout of writer’s block. I wrote the first draft of Book Two while I was querying The Best Worst Thing, so I did not have that dreaded **fear of being perceived** hovering over me while I made shit up. And so when I heard the rumors from writer friends that sophomore books are the hardest to write, I was like, lol okay, but not for me.
Well, I am pleased to announce that, lol yes, for me. I had a brilliant idea—high-concept and meaningful and funny and wild—and, at around 10,000 too-sluggish words, I realized I didn’t want to f*@king write it. (Can I curse here? I wish to curse here.)
Then I stressed about it for a month, made everyone I loved suffer, changed the POV several times, revised the opening pages into oblivion, and still didn’t want to write it.
But just write something else! you whispered to me, a reasonable person. YES, I AGREE! I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT! But I had no ideas, so . . . no.
And then, yesterday, I thought of something. Literally, a blink—and then an idea. And it’s growing and growing and growing. And, I hope, within a few months, it’ll have become something wonderful. I’ll keep you posted. Literally. I will keep you posted right here. All you have to do is click this cute pink button at the end of this yap.
What I’m obsessed with right now
English Teacher on FX — a glib, heartwarming masterpiece that scratches that sitcom itch but with the bite of more modern television.
The sea salt brownies from Trader Joe’s but put them in the freezer first. Enjoy with iced coffee whenever those intrusive thoughts hit.
Singing in the car with my daughter on the way to school. Lately, it’s been a lot of Taylor Swift’s State of Grace. And just a little bit of Go Noodle.
My friend Stephanie started a ROMANCE BOOK TRUCK in Los Angeles! And it’s adorable. And she’s adorable. Follow The Fleuria here!
The song I can’t stop listening to
It’s New Perspective by Noah Kahan. It’s folksy and clever and I don’t know. It just hits. His bridges get me. He gets me.
Honorable mentions go to last week’s songs:
Teenage Love by Katie Gregson-MacLeod (This one, courtesy my editor!)
the acoustic version of Never Let You Go by Third Eye Blind
Stay Next to Me by Quinn XCII and Chelsea Cutler (RIP Book 3.1, this was your anthem.)
What books are on my nightstand right now
Oh god, my TBR is truly embarrassing right now. I’m working on LAST NIGHT WAS FUN by Holly Michelle and NO ORDINARY LOVE by Myah Ariel. And then I need to get to some of my friends’ books ASAP. Plus, the new Cara Bastone!
(I know these pictures are cut off. I’m sorry. I really need to get back to work. I’ll figure it out next month.)
What I’m working on with my therapist
I don’t know. I’m seeing her in an hour. Ask me then.
No, in all seriousness, I’m working on going where it’s warm and trying to enjoy the present with my friends and family. No review sites, no panic googling myself. Just trying to focus on living my real, in-progress life while writing stories and connecting with people who want to connect back.
It’s been a joy to have readers reach out or tag me in reviews—I love it! I’ll never get tired of it. Never stop reaching out! What a thrill to meet people who love what you’ve made or found a slice of themselves in your stories!
But scouring reader spaces for little breadcrumbs of what my so-called creative worth is? Breadcrumbs that were never, ever intended for me to see? No. I can’t do it. Honestly, I can’t.
I’ve had so many authors (and my amazing agent) tell me this is the only way. That these little boundaries are the key to a long and happy career, and I was like, Yeah, whatever, one must stay informed. I cannot live in a world where I don’t have every ounce of data about how people feel about me at my fingertips, lest I become the fool.
(Cue me, 16, reciting T.S. Eliot’s Prufrock in my UrbanOutfitters garb.)
But truly, my creativity is infinitely better when I’m writing fearlessly and only for myself. I can’t write for every single one of you. I can’t even write for one of you! I can only write what feels true, and then—after revising it like poetry—hope it speaks to you like it speaks to me.
That’s the magic of storytelling, and I hope I stay strong enough to not f*$k it up.
That’s it! We’re done here. Reminder that you can request The Best Worst Thing on NetGalley, request it at your library, or pre-order it today! Would love to hear what you’re reading or overplaying or obsessed with in the comments!
xx
I love this!! Brownies in the freezer, music recs, and glimpses of what's to come!?! 🤩 So excited to follow along xoxo
Keep it up!!